In the moon light!!

We are in Goa on a trip. After all day of fun and excitement we are resting in our hotel room. Our group of ten people just lying in a single room on a single bed occupying the minimum space we could find. Slowly slowly everyone is falling asleep. She is lying next to me. Holding my hand. I just get up from the bed and go to the balcony. Our room is on the first floor. The balcony faces the beach. The sound of sea waves can be clearly heard. The bright moon is illuminating everything on the earth. A big swing is there in the balcony. I am sitting on it gazing the beauty if pine trees and enjoying the flow of wind. I took my cellphone out of my pocket and called my girl out too.

As she entered the balcony she was equally amazed to see the beauty of night.

She sat next to me on the swing. We held our hands again. I sat more close to her. Our body edges touching. She is feeling cold. I brought her a blanket from inside. We both sat covered with the same blanket. She rested her head on my shoulder and my arm is now enclosing her, keeping her tightly bound to me. I won't leave her ever.

We just sleep this way in the moon light in each other's arms.

Reaching out for stars!

Just in a flash of a second I saw myself sitting on a bench in a park.  My girl sitting next to me. My hand on her shoulder and her head on mine. Both quite, no words coming out. Looking upto stars in the sky constantly.

I ask my girl, 

"Do you see the stars?"

"yes"

"Do you see yourself among them?"

"mmmmm, yes"

"Where?"

"Aah! that big one." Pointing to one apparantly biggest and brightest star we could see that night up in the sky.

I am again silent. 

And then she asks, "Which one is you?"

I said, " I am no star."

"Oh Come on, pick one for yourself!"

I said, " I am no star, I am just a man."

"A man who can just sit far away and praise the beauty of the stars. A man who can just dream of reaching out for star. But he knows he can never. Even if he tries he will get burnt if he gets close to any star. He just can't. I just can't"

Quite for a second.

"I am that man and you are that star"

Girl is mum. No words at all. She just picks her head up from my shoulder and see the tears solling down my eyes.

I just looked at her for a while. I took her face in both of my hands and bringing her face close to mine. I kiss her forehead.  That was one deep kiss.

I stand up. Looked at the sky. Pointing to the star the girl chose I again looked at her.

and after a while.

I walk away!!

Where are the dreams lost?

Dreams!! How much we dream about our future. At least twenty hours everyday? Right? I am twenty four years old and my dreams have been changing over the time. Sometimes I change them myself and sometimes they change because of some or the other reason. We change when we are not sure what we really want in life. And when we are not so sure circumstance also play their part. Since my childhood I wanted to be an Engineer. That time I didn't even know what an engineer is. All I knew was an engineer makes things. Sometimes I dream of being a big business man. But how? I have made several plans but wasn't ever able to put them into reality. Recently I was discussing a sure shot business plan with few of my friends and before we could make any significant step we read news that some one already started it. Sometimes I want to be a researcher and so on and o

n. But this all is governed by what we exactly want out of life? Do we yearn for some kind of satisfaction? Yes. But in what sense? Money? May be. Kind of work? Again may be. Personal life? some what more closer. But yes it keeps on changing with time. Because for us life is governed more by others' dreams.

Today my favorite day dream is of marrying the girl I love. I dream of a life where I am standing at a beach wearing casual clothes and hands in my pockets. She comes, wearing a beautiful dress, running towards me and simply climbs up on me. Joins her lips with mine and

 indeed takes me to the eternity, the bliss, what we call in simple words. With sun going to sleep but still peeping behind the clouds and leaving the sky red and orange. A cool breeze flowing through her long hair. The waves in sea shouting and praising the way we both look together and more importantly the beauty I am walking with. Her eyes filled with joy of just being with me and just being mine. Followed by a night with all darkness but with the light of love so bright making both of us blind not only our eyes but our minds too. And I Wake up in her arms feeling her fragrance all around me. Now the sad part is that my girl dreams of a hot shot guy. So rich, so handsome. I don't know if she finds me handsome but I really know that I am not rich.

Besides all that. Sometimes I force myself to think what happened to those dreams I saw for myself? My career? Now I am ending to dream of the girl? Only a girl? Don't really know if it is right to dream of just a love filled life or a top shot life? The saddest part of life is that we most of the time are living not our dreams but of those we live with. Our parents' dreams, friends', teachers', relatives' and most importantly our beloved's dreams. Except our beloved's dreams every one's dreams become responsibilities for us. We have to do them because others want us to do so. And our beloved's dreams are what we are really passionate about, because we think if we do all that, our favorite dream might come true. But still there is no assurance. People forget everything they had ever dreamt of once they start seeing such dreams. Same happened with me too. All those top shot high aims of life have landed nowhere and are really lost. I feel there is no energy or enthusiasm left in me.

No Energy, No enthusiasm? Am I really 24? I am feeling like I am 42 damn!!

There is hell lot I want to do. Why am I living out her dreams? Why the expectations of my relatives have become responsibilities? Where are my dreams lost?

I have no answer.

Blacks and Blues

Well, before I actually start writing anything meaningfull, I just want to share why I chose this name for blog. Just like life has several colors but we see only a few from which we go through. Similarly I have gone through a life which is at times either black or blue.
Black and Blue. Now it may give you a thought that these two colors are my favorite or they kinda have a particular significance in my life. If yes, then you might be right :). Yes, the two colors are my favorite but if we have to talk about their significance then I do not think I have much to share. After all they are just two colors. Also, it is not just that I had to chose two colors so I chose black and blue which are my personal favorite but they got to possess some meaning which should reflect what I want to write in this blog.
Black represents darkness. Something which is hidden. Which you don't know. It is a kind of knowledge which you don't know what it is but it surely is something. Something you want to know but you don't what you want to know. I might be sounding crazy but in most simpler words if I had to tell why black would be that black represnts the dark part of the life. The dark part contains all which you don't know. At some point of time you fail to find reasons for something, and those reasons are the ones which are black. Anyone in this world has a black side in his or her life. They live in a color but yet they have a black side which they do not understand a single moment of it. But once they realize that there is a black side and they can remove it only by knowing things that they don't, they try all sort of things and that eventually brings them to a point where some of those things become clearer to be viewed and investigated further. A kind of ray of hope you can say, but that ray of hope turns some portion of black to blue.
Blue is a stage when you know something about something but you don't know it completely. Even when you don't know it completely it is like you feel you know it better than others and you feel its white. White I mean to say when you know everything. Blue captures most of the attention in life. You know something you feel good about it, proud and what not. But at the end of the day its you knowing far less than what it is and you misinterpret things and land up in difficult situations to face.
Well now its getting clumsy. I certainly not hope that I have made you understand what I wanted to say but if you have got my point, its truly great :)
Last but not the least. I want to say whatever color may we be living in, be it the brightest or the dullest, there are thing which are black and blue to us. We can not remove blacks and blues. And that brings me to start this blog in which I can write things which are black and blue to me. Life as I see it, as I feel it and as I live it. You might get certain answers for you and I may arise some questions for you but lets hope for the best :)

May God Bless..