The nightmare of a software engineer came true.

Are you a software engineer? No? yes? Anyways, who ever you are but you must be aware of what the biggest nightmare a software engineer can have in this time of recession. There is this critical delivery tomorrow and I have been working on this since last 2 months. If I fail to deliver it on time you can just think of what the consequences could be.

Tomorrow I have to tell the so called managers that I am done with all the code and the application is ready to be dispatched.

You have given your day and night coding that 17k-18k lines of code in 2-3 files for no less than two months thinking this will keep you safe in these bad times for software industry. You are about to save the final file after cleaning up the stray code, adding up the comments so that your code is understandable by other person, adding more log messages so that while the application is running people know whats doing on, adding more debug messages, doing fine code indentations and all sort of things having a feeling of achievement.
On the VI editor, you gave the command to save your file and you are just about to do the final compile and the test run and you see a red message at the bottom of the screen. VI flashing a file save error. It says, Fsync failed. I do not understand what it means. I really don't know. I tried several times everytime it says the same error. I tried all sort of things. Making a new file to save but it is not saving it.

Finally I tried just to quit the file without saving my final touchings to the code which I was trying to save. And then it happened. The VI editor flashed error message the original file lost. I got scared. I reopened the file and there. It was EMPTY. Literally empty with zero columns, zero rows and a file of zero bytes.

 

My two months got lost in just 2 minutes. What I am gonna show tomorrow? Nothing?

I am dead man. I am literallly dead. God save me please.

No option left but to recode all the shit lines. Just not getting the courage to start with the code.

 

Please pray for me guys. Or I am dead. :(

just got up after a pretty nice sleep and weirdest dreams :)

is stunned watching "what the bleep do we know"

Gonna watch "What the bleep do we know"

In the moon light!!

We are in Goa on a trip. After all day of fun and excitement we are resting in our hotel room. Our group of ten people just lying in a single room on a single bed occupying the minimum space we could find. Slowly slowly everyone is falling asleep. She is lying next to me. Holding my hand. I just get up from the bed and go to the balcony. Our room is on the first floor. The balcony faces the beach. The sound of sea waves can be clearly heard. The bright moon is illuminating everything on the earth. A big swing is there in the balcony. I am sitting on it gazing the beauty if pine trees and enjoying the flow of wind. I took my cellphone out of my pocket and called my girl out too.

As she entered the balcony she was equally amazed to see the beauty of night.

She sat next to me on the swing. We held our hands again. I sat more close to her. Our body edges touching. She is feeling cold. I brought her a blanket from inside. We both sat covered with the same blanket. She rested her head on my shoulder and my arm is now enclosing her, keeping her tightly bound to me. I won't leave her ever.

We just sleep this way in the moon light in each other's arms.

Reaching out for stars!

Just in a flash of a second I saw myself sitting on a bench in a park.  My girl sitting next to me. My hand on her shoulder and her head on mine. Both quite, no words coming out. Looking upto stars in the sky constantly.

I ask my girl, 

"Do you see the stars?"

"yes"

"Do you see yourself among them?"

"mmmmm, yes"

"Where?"

"Aah! that big one." Pointing to one apparantly biggest and brightest star we could see that night up in the sky.

I am again silent. 

And then she asks, "Which one is you?"

I said, " I am no star."

"Oh Come on, pick one for yourself!"

I said, " I am no star, I am just a man."

"A man who can just sit far away and praise the beauty of the stars. A man who can just dream of reaching out for star. But he knows he can never. Even if he tries he will get burnt if he gets close to any star. He just can't. I just can't"

Quite for a second.

"I am that man and you are that star"

Girl is mum. No words at all. She just picks her head up from my shoulder and see the tears solling down my eyes.

I just looked at her for a while. I took her face in both of my hands and bringing her face close to mine. I kiss her forehead.  That was one deep kiss.

I stand up. Looked at the sky. Pointing to the star the girl chose I again looked at her.

and after a while.

I walk away!!

Where are the dreams lost?

Dreams!! How much we dream about our future. At least twenty hours everyday? Right? I am twenty four years old and my dreams have been changing over the time. Sometimes I change them myself and sometimes they change because of some or the other reason. We change when we are not sure what we really want in life. And when we are not so sure circumstance also play their part. Since my childhood I wanted to be an Engineer. That time I didn't even know what an engineer is. All I knew was an engineer makes things. Sometimes I dream of being a big business man. But how? I have made several plans but wasn't ever able to put them into reality. Recently I was discussing a sure shot business plan with few of my friends and before we could make any significant step we read news that some one already started it. Sometimes I want to be a researcher and so on and o

n. But this all is governed by what we exactly want out of life? Do we yearn for some kind of satisfaction? Yes. But in what sense? Money? May be. Kind of work? Again may be. Personal life? some what more closer. But yes it keeps on changing with time. Because for us life is governed more by others' dreams.

Today my favorite day dream is of marrying the girl I love. I dream of a life where I am standing at a beach wearing casual clothes and hands in my pockets. She comes, wearing a beautiful dress, running towards me and simply climbs up on me. Joins her lips with mine and

 indeed takes me to the eternity, the bliss, what we call in simple words. With sun going to sleep but still peeping behind the clouds and leaving the sky red and orange. A cool breeze flowing through her long hair. The waves in sea shouting and praising the way we both look together and more importantly the beauty I am walking with. Her eyes filled with joy of just being with me and just being mine. Followed by a night with all darkness but with the light of love so bright making both of us blind not only our eyes but our minds too. And I Wake up in her arms feeling her fragrance all around me. Now the sad part is that my girl dreams of a hot shot guy. So rich, so handsome. I don't know if she finds me handsome but I really know that I am not rich.

Besides all that. Sometimes I force myself to think what happened to those dreams I saw for myself? My career? Now I am ending to dream of the girl? Only a girl? Don't really know if it is right to dream of just a love filled life or a top shot life? The saddest part of life is that we most of the time are living not our dreams but of those we live with. Our parents' dreams, friends', teachers', relatives' and most importantly our beloved's dreams. Except our beloved's dreams every one's dreams become responsibilities for us. We have to do them because others want us to do so. And our beloved's dreams are what we are really passionate about, because we think if we do all that, our favorite dream might come true. But still there is no assurance. People forget everything they had ever dreamt of once they start seeing such dreams. Same happened with me too. All those top shot high aims of life have landed nowhere and are really lost. I feel there is no energy or enthusiasm left in me.

No Energy, No enthusiasm? Am I really 24? I am feeling like I am 42 damn!!

There is hell lot I want to do. Why am I living out her dreams? Why the expectations of my relatives have become responsibilities? Where are my dreams lost?

I have no answer.